“How Can a Simple and Innocent Word Cause Conflicts?”

The amount of work, which seems to be overwhelming, a project, we’ve been assigned to quite unexpectedly, the pressure to cut costs everywhere, not to mention how difficult it is to manage professional and personal life, sometimes bring us to the edge. One single awkwardly used word can cause a major dispute, a conflict and makes everything even more difficult.

It takes very little to prevent such situations with a dash of communication skills. How can we do that?

If you keep on reading, a short dialogue between two co-workers will introduce  and unveil what some phrases and words actually mean, why we must avoid using them and what to use instead. Observe the phrases underlined, which cause conflicts.

Jenny: I’ve come to see you about the Sunshine Treat campaign. I thought it was a done deal. I just couldn’t believe it when I got your mail. What’s the problem exactly?

Marko: Well, it wasn’t a done deal. At least not for me. I said quite clearly in the meeting last week that my department needs to look at the costs and see if we can make it. And unfortunately, there’s just no money for that sort of thing, anyway not for the moment.

Jenny: Why not?

Marko: It’s the cutbacks. And we just can’t overstretch the advertising budget. I’m sorry, I know you’re disappointed, it was your first major project with us, but I just can’t help it.

Jenny: Are you saying that your company can’t find the money to pay for this rather inexpensive advertising campaign? It’s just a stand at a fair and nothing else.

Marko: It’s a lot of money, you know that and …

Jenny: Oh, come on now. You sounded quite differently last week. You’re just trying to worm out of it with all this talk of cutbacks and lack of money.

Marko: Hold on now. Let me explain how things are here. When money’s tight like it is now, more serious projects get priority. Such as mailshots, internet advertising and others.

Jenny: I totally disagree. It’s not fair. We just can’t miss a chance like this. It’s a …

Marko: Sorry.

Jenny: Look, what if I talk to Mr Harald. I’ve been working with him when I was still with ABC. I’m sure I can talk him into giving us a price reduction. At least 10% off the regular price.

Marko: Eh?

Jenny: Yeah, I’d be willing to do that. What do you say?

Marko: I’m sorry, we can’t consider it. We just don’t do things like that.

Jenny: I just don’t understand what the real problem is? Is it me?

Marko: Jenny, you’ve got to understand – it’s the cutbacks. I’m afraid I just can’t come up with the money for your stand. There’s no way! And you’ve just got to accept it. If you work in a company like ours, you’ve got to toe the line sometimes.

Jerry: That’s it?

Marko: Afraid so.

Jenny: I was hoping you’d be a bit more flexible. Especially since I’ve invested a lot of time and energy into this project. Now what?

Marko: Just think of something cheaper, will you?

Read how the dialogue should be carried out to avoid conflict.

 

Jenny: I’ve come to see you about the Sunshine Treat campaign. I’ve got your mail and you say that we don’t have the money.

Marko: That’s true. I explained in the meeting last week that my department needs to look at the costs and see if we can make it. And unfortunately, there’s just no money for that.

Jenny: Any advertising campaign costs money. That’s true. Nevertheless, the costs of a stand at a fair, which attracts all major dealers in this line of business can be comparatively affordable with its positive effects.

Marko: I know what you’re getting at. Long terms businesses and so on.

Jenny: Yes, I agree. Long-term business relationships are very important, especially if they earn us some money. For example, my previous employer also bought a stand at the same fair two years ago. What happened was that now the agency is becoming a major dealer of XYZ in retail market in Eastern Europe.

Marko: Still … It’s not just the stand. It’s also people and entertainment budget, then travel expenses. Just too much money.

Jenny: You’re right. Travel expenses have to be covered and we also need to pay people who will be working there. What we can do is ask Boris if he wants to go to Budapest, so we don’t have to hire anyone special. Boris can also stay with my friends, who live very close to the fairgrounds, which means we won’t have to pay for the accommodation. And what’s more, I can call Mr Harald, who already knows me, and I’m sure I can talk him into giving us a very fair price for the stand.

Marko: Just how much would that cost us then exactly?

Jenny: Well, my calculation shows that we won’t exceed 8,000 €. Everything included.

Marko: And what exactly can we expect from this fair?

Jenny: Our objective is to find contacts for East European market, meet people from A, B and C and speak with three Turkish dealers, who expect to see us in Budapest.

Marko: Well, I still have to think about this.

 

How can we improve communication?

1) To disagree

If you disagree, first of all agree partially. Use modal verbs (may, might, could), words “maybe”, “perhaps” and the phrase “up to a certain extent/point”.

I may/might/could agree with you.
I agree with you to certain extent/point.
Perhaps you’re right.

After that either ask a question or give facts.

What about …?
How about …?
Have you thought about …?
Have we got a solution for …?

Nevertheless, research says that …
However, going prices are around … Still, major organizations in this business …

2) Abandon patronising expressions and prefer phrases such as:

It seems that …
It appears that …
I’m inclined to believe that …
I would think that …

3) Questions starting with »why« can be replaced with other, more suitable question forms:

What makes you say so?
What leads you to believe that?
How have you reached this conclusion?
What’s the reason for that?

4) Instead of negative, prefer affirmative statements:

We don’t have the money for this right now. – Right now we need the money for …

Tomorrow is not a good time for me. – I’ve got another meeting tomorrow at this time. What about …?

I can’t prepare a presentation on such a short notice. – I need at least three days to prepare such a presentation.