“Small Changes for Great Results”

1. Don’t use “should” in the second person singular or plural (you).

How do you feel when someone says: “You should sort out this mess in your office”, or “You should’ve known better”, or the infamous “You should lose some weight”.

OK, you don’t have to explain, I understand. The bottom line is: you don’t feel well, you don’t feel considered or appreciated, you feel like you have to justify yourself, don’t you? And having to justify yourself is not a prerequisite for good relationships, either at work or at home.

So, instead of “should” use – “could”. Could gives them a choice. It’s up to them whether they want to clean the office mess, do the things better next time or – lose weight. You don’t patronize or advise them, you do not think of yourself as wiser, but are standing right next to them, offering a hand.

2. Don’t use “but”, when you want to present your argument.

Read the dialogue below:

You used “but”, Jack heard is as a “you’re wrong”, paid you back and you are now wondering, why he’s being rude. You are on a verge of a conflict. Not good.

Just replace “but” with “and”: “Yes, and this will just delay the project.” Grammatically, “but” is a linking word, which only links parts of sentences, but does not link feelings. In other words, it kills communication. For this reasons it must be replaced by “and”, when it’s a matter of a different opinion.

3. When you want a favour, use “because”.

Don’t just say: “Listen, everybody, can we meet a bit earlier tomorrow”, even though people know why. Give them a reason and use “because”: “… a bit earlier tomorrow, because we have to prepare well for a meeting with Mr Smith. “

Do you know what true magic is? You can give a completely irrelevant or meaningless reason and it’ll still work: “… a bit earlier tomorrow, because the meeting is supposed to be at the earliest possible hour.”

If you omit “because”, they won’t come.