ecco un post di prova

We can. But what and to what extent?

The work that I do forces me into being well organized. Organization of time being on top of the list. For this reason, thru the years, I had to find ways which allow me to keep all aspects of the work under control. I could do with an astute office manager or personal assistant, but until I find one, I depend on various gismos or gimmicks. And I admit. I buy Apple products.

For three reasons:

1. Their performance demonstrates very good ROI; In other words, they are functional.

2. They are stylish and elegant.

3. I like Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO.

And he is someone I’d like to talk to you about today. Even if you are a user of Apple devices yourself or if you are not, you probably know Steve Jobs.

If you take a look at his (abridged) CV, you can see that “he’s been there and has done that”. He started as a college dropout and a weekly visitor of local Hare Krishna temple, where he would get free meals only to later become a co-founder of Apple, one of the most successful corporations, which designs, among other things, consumer electronics.

It’s more than obvious that “being there and doing that” includes many highs and lows on his lifeline.

But this is not really why I like him, although I find his life very interesting. It’s his charisma that I find so very enchanting. And although some of you may disagree with me, I don’t really mind. Because considering someone as charismatic is a purely subjective judgement.

Can we learn how to become  and be charismatic?

I actually started thinking about that, because I have to design a communication program entitled “Communication for Leadership”.

So, when I asked my husband, a licensed NLP trainer himself, what I could include in the program he said: “If you are a leader or a manager or a head, above all, charisma can help a great deal!”

I was about to start barking at him, but then I started thinking. More than that. I actually gave his reply a second chance. And it turned out that all the charismatic leaders had something in common – they knew how to communicate to people. Who doesn’t know the “I Have a Dream” speech of Martin Luther King or “I Am a Berliner” of JFK? And Churchill’s speeches at the Parliament during the World War Two?

So, I checked how wikipedia.org defines charisma. To summarize the definition charisma is a composition of power, magnetism, excellent capabilities of interpersonal communication and superior ability to put forward concepts and arguments.

And I went back to Steve Jobs and his (public) speaking skills. Have you ever seen any of his public appearances? He started his speech (or one of) at a distinguished Stanford University by telling everybody that he was a college dropout. And I still clearly remember mocking one of Apple’s competitors in such a subtle way that even the competition themselves couldn’t blame him. Basically, he turns a speech into an emotional experience and a business presentation into an adventurous show. Wearing jeans.

So, answering the question asked before, whether we can learn to become charismatic, I can say that we can definitely learn how to communicate to people in different settings and that this can considerably help building charisma. Nevertheless, it is not enough.

The truth is that a recipe for charisma does not exist, but if someone insisted I could add two other ingredients besides excellent speaking/communication skills: know who you are and be humble.

And maybe then, but only maybe can we appear on a stage to address an audience of five hundred business suits wearing – jeans J.

The only problem that you might have about this is – the available time. There isn’t any you will say. Up to a certain extent this is true, beyond any doubt. What I also think is that anything you want to do in your life is a matter of priorities and smart goal setting, learning or revising English included.

The other disadvantage that learners come across in their learning endeavours is the promised magic potion or magic formula, which makes you learn the desired foreign language in a few weeks. No, unfortunately this is not true. It’s not. Say whatever you want, but it’s not. You need time to do a course or a workshop, do some homework, maybe read a bit and perhaps take a test. If you buy these empty promises, which then do not materialize, you’ll end up even more disappointed and frustrated and getting back to it will be more difficult. To avoid that, please, follow some of my suggestions, based on 15-year experience of teaching business English.

1) What do I need to learn?

A good needs analysis is a prerequisite to an effective learning. Long-lasting courses, once or twice a week, over a period of an academic year – forget it. An average person doesn’t make it. Too time pressing. You miss classes once, twice, lose track of the group and hate coming back, because it’s difficult to catch up.

Also if you already know some English, use it at work, what you need is a short, tailor-made course, which only includes areas of your interest.

2) Where do I go to get the knowledge I need?

If you really do not have any other option – do an open-public language course. A far better choice is an in-company course, tailored for your needs. The course will also take place at company facilities, which means no time wasted travelling to the other side of town, to a different location.

What is even better than a course is an intensive (full-immersion) workshop of no more than 20 academic lessons or a one-day workshop. ROI here is the best according to my experience. People who join these courses are highly motivated, concentrated, knowing that what they’re going to learn is exactly what they need.

If a workshop like this (1) includes well-prepared materials, (2) the group is of appropriate size (no more than 12 people) and (3) if the trainer knows the subject well, can motivate people is available and dynamic then the learning effects will be much better than joining a regular course.

If you would like to have a look at readily available courses, click here, for a tailor-made workshop for your organization, please, click here, to register for open-public workshops, starting this September click here for a course of business English for secretaries and personal assistants and here for a full-immersion business English course.

I am also available to train you online, one-on-one or in small groups, to contact me, please, click here.

3) How do I make sure that I’ll get the knowledge and skills I can actually use?

It’s an absolute must to include situations, materials, case studies from your working background. This is not always possible, however, if it is – do it. By all means. Insist on it. A workshop on persuasive presentations will like this be more effective if the participants hold short speeches themselves and receive feedback. A role-play included into a workshop on negotiations makes people see and feel how the strategies learnt are used in practice. And if you’ve decided for a workshop on proposal writing, have the trainer look at some of already made proposals to suggest improvements. The possibilities, as you can see, are endless.

4) What about international certificates and exams, e. g. Cambridge Exams?

Yes, makes sense, with a bit of a reservation on my part. One must be aware that they will have to follow a course, where the syllabus is already set, very little deviation for customized content is possible, if none. Like this you might be forced into learning things you do not need or already know.

The good thing about it is that you are tested by an independent institution, which give a clear picture and understanding where you are with your knowledge. And for Training Centres within companies and organizations this is a way how to measure and monitor learning effects.

If you would like to do a business English course with an international certificate or need more information about it, please, click here.

5) What’s the best time to learn English?

This questions does not refer to whether Mondays are better than Fridays or March is more suitable than September. The fact is that if you start learning or polishing your English when you already need it, it can and will be more stressful and most probably less effective.
So, let’s imagine that at this point you do not really hold business presentations in English, but have the chance to join such a workshop and have the time and money to do so, not to mention that one day you’d like to work in a marketing department, where this is a must-have skill – DO IT! NOW! You do not want to lost the opportunity when it comes knocking on your door just because you do not know how to speak in public, do you?!

The other day I joined a forum, where I read an interesting post about toddlers and little children, and why some of them get disobedient and “bad”.

There was a Mum explaining that it’s just too much going on for the little ones. They go to kindergarten, where they engage in all kinds of activities, interact with other children, their parents, educators. After their parents pick them up, the day has not finished. Very likely they go to ballet classes, sports, music and other activities.

What about during weekends and holidays? Trips, outings, homeworks, matches, events for children … You name it. Too many things.

What I’m saying is that children live life of their parents. Too busy, too packed with all kinds of activities, which does not leave enough time to digest what they’ve experienced so far. And if we call parents stressed, then we can easily say that the children get anxious and disobedient.

I’m writing this, because adults are the most important role-models for children. They look up to them in all aspects of life and want to be like them. The children believe that what an adult does is the right thing to do.

So, if they see you indisposed, bad tempered and stressed and as a consequence not able to cope with what’s on a daily menu, they might start believing that this is the way life is.  Not much to look forward to, right?

The solution?

Options are several. Some more and some less obvious. Despite what you choose to do, there’ll always be something causing stress. Something, where others can not help, where you need to learn how to deal with it yourself.

What you need to do NOW is learn how to cope with your life, which includes family and work to be able to:

- go through every day more serene, tranquil, composed;
- tell what needs your immediate attention and what doesn’t;
- enjoy life more and worry less;
- feel better, be happier and look forward to tomorrow;

What’s the good news about this?

You can choose. You can choose what to do, how to go through life and how you want to be remembered.

What do you need?

Simple tools, techniques and strategies of NEUROLINGUISTIC PROGRAMMING, which will help you get back on track, take control of your life, make you feel self-confident, self-assured, make you feel good about yourselves.

How can you learn more?

Click here for more information about neurolinguistic programming, here to join the course this September in Ljubljana and here if you would like me to run NLP for your organization.

The technique explained below works well if you need to turn down a business proposal or if you simply need to explain to a friend you can’t make it for a drink.

Well … Let me explain! The reply should resemble a juicy, but well balanced hamburger, with just the right amount of bread, meat and extras.

The top bun includes either neutral or positive information, say:

“We’ve carefully looked at all the proposals we have received. All of them were very competitive and included all the details the RFP required.”

The “meat” is where you explain as assertively and yet friendly as you can that it’s a “no go”. Remember that there must be a balance between all the layers of  the burger. You can’t only have thick buns or – even worse – thick layers of beef. You can’t chew it like that.  Moreover, you or your reply can completely lose credibility. So, don’t supersize, avoid adding too many extras, just keep it normal – stick to the facts:

“Furthermore, we have decided that a solution suggested by a competitor meets our needs best, because their guarantee for the machinery is longer plus they offer cheaper maintenance.”

The low bun wraps up your reply, by adding a positive piece of information, which has a face-saving effect. I suggest you always include it, especially if the relationship between you and the reader matters:

“We’d like to suggest you keep us posted with your solutions in this area, so we can contact you for future projects.”

TIP: Replace “but” when switching from “the top bun” to “the meat” by however, nevertheless or a similar linking word or what’s best, just don’t use any of them.

Sometimes we feel the situation is beyond our understanding and we’ve decided to – complain.

How?

1. Start with a short summary of the situation;
2. Explain clearly what you want;
3. Be assertive, not aggressive or hostile;

What people most often forget at writing complaints is telling what sort of compensation they expect. Complaints manager then doesn’t know whether to reply or not and what to offer. Perhaps they just wanted to complain.

Secondly, aggressive tone appears way too often:

I am extremely disappointed,

• I’m sorry to say that we expected far more …,
• You have completely ignored …,
• If you do not take immediate action, we shall be forced to …,
• Obviously you are unaware of …,
• I’m quite sure you’ve overlooked …

Think twice before using one of these, because they do not add to assertiveness, confidence, authority. Moreover, they hurt people and are likely to provoke fight instead of a resolution.

Example of a complaint:

How difficult it is for you to apologize? To deliver bad news? Or to write a complaint? These three types of messages are the most difficult to write or to say, so to speak.

At this point, let’s have a look at how to apologize in writing properly. If you already know how to inform, e.g. an invitation to a meeting, giving instructions about something … (if not click here), you must completely ignore it when you want to apologize.

Why?

Because you never start an apology saying: »Jack, I am really sorry for what happened yesterday.«

What you do at the beginning of the message is to explain briefly how the mistake happened. When you do this show that you care with an emphatic statement. Afterwards, apologize. What follows is a reassurance of the reader that you have taken action to prevent things like that happening again, but do not tell them that they won’t happen again. It’s an empty promise and it’s much easier writing it than keeping it. Conclude the apology by suggesting a positive future action, add a goodwill statement about relationships in future or mention any other action, which takes the reader into the future, which has got nothing to do with the incident.

Above all – be honest when apologizing, because if you don’t really want to do it, you feel it’s out of place, the effect will be the »double trouble« one.

What mistakes often occur at writing apologies?

- an apology appears immediately at the beginning;
- people apologize twice, three times, when they should only do it once;
- the apology is prominently placed at the end of the e-mail;
- the writer blames someone else for the situation, lacks empathy and honesty, makes empty promises;

An example of an apology:

The amount of work, which seems to be overwhelming, a project, we’ve been assigned to quite unexpectedly, the pressure to cut costs everywhere, not to mention how difficult it is to manage professional and personal life, sometimes bring us to the edge. One single awkwardly used word can cause a major dispute, a conflict and makes everything even more difficult.

It takes very little to prevent such situations with a dash of communication skills. How can we do that?

If you keep on reading, a short dialogue between two co-workers will introduce  and unveil what some phrases and words actually mean, why we must avoid using them and what to use instead. Observe the phrases underlined, which cause conflicts.

Read how the dialogue should be carried out to avoid conflict.

How can we improve communication?

1) To disagree

If you disagree, first of all agree partially. Use modal verbs (may, might, could), words “maybe”, “perhaps” and the phrase “up to a certain extent/point”.

I may/might/could agree with you.
I agree with you to certain extent/point.
Perhaps you’re right.

After that either ask a question or give facts.

What about …?
How about …?
Have you thought about …?
Have we got a solution for …?

Nevertheless, research says that …
However, going prices are around … Still, major organizations in this business …

2) Abandon patronising expressions and prefer phrases such as:

It seems that …
It appears that …
I’m inclined to believe that …
I would think that …

3) Questions starting with »why« can be replaced with other, more suitable question forms:

What makes you say so?
What leads you to believe that?
How have you reached this conclusion?
What’s the reason for that?

4) Instead of negative, prefer affirmative statements:

(I’ve tried it and it works :-)

Let’s imagine you’re in a meeting.  So far everything’s been going well, but then suddenly  – an obstacle. You can’t seem to be able to agree about a thing, which doesn’t even seem to be so important. You don’t have the time to take a break. What can you do to continue?

The “recipe” is really easy. Summarize. But – summarize together with your partner. Make a dialogue out of it instead of having a speech. When I say summarize, this means asking closed questions, where the answer from your business partner is inevitably a “YES”. Be a bit creative when you have to ask a question about an item, where there has been no agreement yet.

The purpose of this technique, which is called “Coining Yeses”,  is to put your partner into a positive state of mind and make him agree or confirm also the areas of disagreement so that you’ll be able to carry on with the meeting.

How does it work?

Read this dialogue:

1. Don’t use “should” in the second person singular or plural (you).

How do you feel when someone says: “You should sort out this mess in your office”, or “You should’ve known better”, or the infamous “You should lose some weight”.

OK, you don’t have to explain, I understand. The bottom line is: you don’t feel well, you don’t feel considered or appreciated, you feel like you have to justify yourself, don’t you? And having to justify yourself is not a prerequisite for good relationships, either at work or at home.

So, instead of “should” use – “could”. Could gives them a choice. It’s up to them whether they want to clean the office mess, do the things better next time or – lose weight. You don’t patronize or advise them, you do not think of yourself as wiser, but are standing right next to them, offering a hand.

2. Don’t use “but”, when you want to present your argument.

Read the dialogue below:

You used “but”, Jack heard is as a “you’re wrong”, paid you back and you are now wondering, why he’s being rude. You are on a verge of a conflict. Not good.

Just replace “but” with “and”: “Yes, and this will just delay the project.” Grammatically, “but” is a linking word, which only links parts of sentences, but does not link feelings. In other words, it kills communication. For this reasons it must be replaced by “and”, when it’s a matter of a different opinion.

3. When you want a favour, use “because”.

Don’t just say: “Listen, everybody, can we meet a bit earlier tomorrow”, even though people know why. Give them a reason and use “because”: “… a bit earlier tomorrow, because we have to prepare well for a meeting with Mr Smith. “

Do you know what true magic is? You can give a completely irrelevant or meaningless reason and it’ll still work: “… a bit earlier tomorrow, because the meeting is supposed to be at the earliest possible hour.”

If you omit “because”, they won’t come.